When you have a child, your mind is blown daily.

One thing she does reminds you of your partner....the next thing reminds you of yourself.  It never ends.

In our house, I call Ella "Mini-Greg" - mostly because she looks just like him, but she also has so many Greg traits.  Of course she has mine too, but those are harder for me to see.

I will tell you, though, that the other day....she was SO NOT me.

It was school spirit day.  This is how she went to school:

I hear the words "Spirit Week" and I start to tense up.  I always hated spirit week.  I was never into it.  Come to think of it, I've never liked dressing up.  Halloween was always my least favorite holiday (of course, I loved the candy when I was a kid). 

I was telling my mom about this and she pointed out that I have never liked being the center of attention.  Hmmm....made me wonder why I write this blog and put all this personal stuff out there.  I guess it's because I'm doing it from behind the keyboard and screen. 

As for Ella - I'm glad she's into it. She loves it and it brings her joy.  Anything that puts a smile on that girl's face is golden in my book.

One of my absolute FAVORITE times of day is bedtime.  Ella and I just hang out and talk and play and sing... There are no TVs on, no to-do lists, our reading is done....we're just in the present enjoying each other.  Lately, we've been playing with the camera. I wasn't going to publish these, but I think they show how much fun we have during this special time.

So, then we realized that taking pictures in pitch black was really fun....I'm not sure Belle agreed.

When you're getting your picture taken in pitch black, you have no idea what it will look like.  I didn't even know she was taking my picture. . . I just saw the flash.  You can tell I'm getting tired at this point.

I hope Ella remembers our bedtimes forever. I know I will.

Ella really wants to learn how to cook.  She asked for us to add it to her chores - that she must prepare one meal a week for us.  (Yes, she actually asked for her chore list to grow with no extra compensation!)

So, I told her...just like when I make dinner....there are no rules.  Sometimes, I'm exhausted and cook something very simple.  Other nights, I'm chopping and sauteing like a madwoman.  I told her every meal she makes is 100% up to her.

Well...one week, she didn't seem into it and informed us that we would be having cereal for dinner.  Ok. . . I told her no rules...I can't really go back on that. I wondered if cereal would be a weekly event now.

But...what a surprise! I figured we'd basically help ourselves to cereal and milk and that would be that. Nope.  Ella set up a cereal buffet.  She put every open box of cereal on the island and provided both dairy and soy milk.  She prepared toppings like blueberries, strawberries, coconut, honey and chocolate syrup. 

It was SO MUCH FUN!!  I've never really mixed cereals, but it was wonderful. 

This was Ella's bowl:

Well, I wasn't that adventurous.  The chocolate syrup was a little too rich for my taste, but I did have seconds.

And, it hasn't been every week.  Ella has now made chili, pancakes, hot dogs and this week's feature was mini meatloaves.

After all, variety is the spice of life, right?

How can you teach kids the true meaning of giving? Make it real for them. 

Events like the earthquake in Haiti are hard to grasp for adults and children alike.  We feel helpless and search for ways to help.  Greg and I recently experienced kids genuinely caring and working to help other kids in Haiti.

We both teach for our church's children's program (Greg actually does nearly all the work - I just fill in every other month).  It was his idea to bring the Haiti tragedy to the kids on their level.  We decided to raise money to make baby kits to send to Haiti.  Our main fund-raising event was a bake sale. 

It was a joy to see Ella so into this project.

She helped with the cupcakes...

She helped with the cookies...

The kids all helped with the set up...

They even made the signs.

The most rewarding part of this experience (so far - we haven't even made the kits!) was to see that all of the kids felt pride in this event.  They instantly turned into seasoned sales professionals. 

Greg and I tried to sit back and enjoy as the kids charmed the buyers and figured out change in their heads. 

They owned this event.

One of the church members came up to Greg and I and thanked us for teaching the kids philanthropy.  I hadn't thought of it that way before.  It was a way we could help the babies in Haiti - I hadn't thought of the bigger picture.

I'm glad he said that though.  It made the event even more meaningful than it already was.

You've heard my goal to run a half marathon.....Greg and I were both surprised by Ella's goal.  She wants to learn how to cook!

She likes helping out in the kitchen now and then, but if her favorite TV show is on, forget it!  Now, she's an excellent sous chef!  As part of her New Year's Eve Party, we all got a new cookbook (it was the prize for the scavenger hunt).   She picked out a kids cookbook and on New Year's Day, Ella made us breakfast. 

It was her first time cooking a whole meal (she's wearing the T-shirt I made for her the night before at the party). Now, she wants it added to her chores that once a week, she'll cook dinner for the family.

Pancakes ala Ella.  And, I didn't even have to help with the hot stuff.

Look who is the sous chef now!  Not Stout - he's just in it for the scraps.

"The clocks were striking midnight and the rooms were very still as a figure glided quietly from bed to bed, smoothing a coverlid here, settling a pillow there, and pausing to look long and tenderly at each unconscious face, to kiss each with lips that mutely blessed, and to pray the fervent prayers which only mothers utter.  As she lifted the curtain to look out into the dreary night, the moon broke suddenly from behind the clouds and alone upon her like a bright, benignant face, which seemed to whisper in the silence, "Be comforted, dear soul! There is always light behind the clouds."
-Chapter 15, Little Women (Louisa May Alcott)

Parenting is difficult. It's emotional and exhausting and frustrating and makes one worry more than she thought it was possible to worry. 

It's also the biggest blessing in my life. 

It's ironic that the very thing that parents are supposed to accomplish is the one thing that causes their heartbreak.  We teach children the ways of the world and how to be independent.  We especially enforce this with Ella, since she is an only child and a girl.  In a country where women get paid a fraction of what men do, are not given the same opportunities because of their gender and who are expected to take on certain roles, we try to teach Ella that she can do anything she wants to do.  We want to help her develop the skills to survive on her own...without us or anyone else.

And, guess what? It's working.  I've posted about it before.  In fact, you're probably sick of me talking about it all the time.  Maybe I just keep repeating it to get it through my head...I'm not sure I've accepted it myself. 

I know we have several years with Ella before she leaves for college or wherever she chooses to go.  I know those years have a lot of unexpected surprises for us...tears, laughter, shock, horror, joy...  You may not believe it, but I do know she's 7! 

By acknowledging the inevitable, it helps me to appreciate every day.  I've talked to so many parents who say, "It just goes too fast!!" I know it does, and by appreciating every minute (good and bad), it helps to slow it down a little.

And, in those dark moments....and there will be a few...I'm going to remember the above passage from Little Women and know that I am not alone.  Every mom who feels deeply for her children is likely going through this with me, and that helps a lot.  

So, you know I LOVE giving homemade gifts.  I've also mentioned that most of the negativity in my life comes from things not meeting MY expectations. 

Now, add the two together and what do you get? A potential emotional disaster.  Here's a story to outline this...

Last year, I crocheted some items for Christmas presents.  When I was buying the yarn, Ella was with me.  She really wanted a skein of yarn that was 'baby yarn.' It was so soft and pretty and had kitties on the wrapper (why kitties? I had no idea).  She begged me for it. "I'll learn to crochet" she said.... I told her to wait until after the holidays and I'd help her with a project. 

Then, I secretly went back and bought a few skeins.  I decided to crochet Ella a blanket.  She loves blankets!  I typically do nighttime activities with Ella and we go to bed at the same time (she's a night owl), so I couldn't work on it at home.  Every available lunch hour for two months, I'd park my car at a local park, listen to NPR and crochet.

FInally, a week or so before Christmas, I was done. It was a beautiful blanket with tassels at each corner. 

On Christmas Eve, she opened it. She loved it!! She wanted to sleep with it! Yay!! Mom was happy.  That's about the last time she used it.   Yep, it only occasionally makes an appearance...like here...

I have to admit I was a little heartbroken when Ella didn't want to use the blanket. It all had to do with expectations - I expected it would be her new favorite.   Well, at least it's Stout's favorite!  I guess that's why it had kittens on the wrapper.  

A year ago, she wouldn't go two feet off the ground without us holding her hand. Now...

She tells us to let go.

She used to be deathly afraid of water. Now...she jumps off the diving board into twelve feet of water with her arms waving in the air.

She used to be dependent on me to cook her dinner.  Now... she creates culinary delights on her own accord.

She used to need me to walk her down to her friend's house - three doors away.  Now...she walks there and back in the dark.

She used to need me to read to her.  Now...she reads chapter books to herself.

She used to need me to tell secrets to.  Now...she keeps a diary that says, "DO NOT LOOK IN HERE."

But,

She still needs me when she falls and hurts herself (daily).

She still needs me to kiss her goodnight.

She still needs me to ease into new situations.

She still needs me to ask about boys.

She still needs me to play Barbies with her.

And, I know she'll always need me in some way, even if she doesn't show it.

That's my girl in her hiking attire.

She's always had style that stands out. She puts things together with confidence and it's always unique.  Of course, when she was two it was always princess inspired. Now, it's inspired by Disney and Nick characters, but it's still her own.

She's such a different child than I was. I was inhibited and shy. I wore whatever my mom wanted me to wear. The only time I remember really wanting to wear something as a young child whas when the "Valley Girl" phase kicked in and I HAD to get a mini skirt. Like, oh my gosh - it was totally tubular!

Even now though, I rarely wear patterns and if you look in my closet (which is color coordinated) you'll see black, white, grey, chocolate brown, cream, blue and pink. That's about it.

Not Ella though. Her favorite color changes weekly.  I just asked her what her favorite color is nowadays and she said, "Well.....purple, blue and hot pink."  She's not committed to those colors, it's just the mood she's in.

She also loves hats. Funky, cool hats. . . The one in the picture above has received a compliment EVERY TIME SHE HAS WORN IT.  I'm not kidding! How does she do that??

I'm so proud that she has confidence in herself.  I don't know where she gets it, but I love it. I'm even a little jealous of it! 

I can't wait until we wear the same size and can share clothes! Then  -  I shall have style.

Here he is... the other man in my life...

I know what you're thinking...he's a handsome fellow...what a lucky girl.

This is Stout.

Did you ever know someone who literally did summersaults at your feet when you came  home?  Did you ever hear someone calling your name before you reached the door? Did you ever have someone wake you up 5 minutes before the alarm just to wish you a good morning and tell you how much he loves you?

I do. Stout.

I've never had a relationship with a cat like this. He's even dog-like in his devotion to me. He trusts me immensely and seeks me out when he's scared. I've never known a cat to do that.

But, the most important thing to me is that he loves and adores me. He follows me wherever I go and sits next to the shower every morning while I'm in it.  Sometimes, his tail is even in there with me! If I take too long, he paws my legs through the shower curtain. 

I blow dry my hair and he lies on his back so I can pet his belly with my foot. 

Stout's middle name is Trouble. He is very smart and mischievous. It makes him all the more interesting to me.

As Ella gets older, I'm transitioning from being the one she depended on for everything to the one that she only depends upon a little... Stout helps to fill that void and never lets a day go by without telling me he loves me.

Don't get me wrong - Greg doesn't either! But...Greg doesn't do summersaults at my feet.