We go to a lovely little church that is completely inclusive and open minded.  One of the things I love about it is that it values the questions more than the answers. 

It values the journey.

As you know (if you read regularly). I have been questioning whether to continue writing this blog.  I've been struggling with it and found my answer at church.

Ha! No, I didn't pray about it. I have bigger fish to fry there.

You see, our Pastor just returned from a three-month sabbatical. He's refreshed, relaxed and focused. I thought about it. That's what I want to be.  But I have so much to DO and I have so many people expecting me to write the blog.

But here's the deal:
 
The whole purpose of writing this blog was an attempt to stay in the present and appreciate it.  It definitely started that way, but it's different now.  I take my camera everywhere to capture these small moments so I can LATER write in my blog.  I do get to remember these moments by writing the blog, but I'm starting to miss out on that 'just living and appreciating the moment' part.

One of my very best friends recently told me something about myself...and it came as a complete shock.  After 38 years, you'd think I know this about myself, but I didn't.  He told me that I'm someone who needs continual feedback from people with whom I interact.  There was part of me that was unfulfilled writing the blog and I couldn't figure it out.  There are several of you who comment often (either here or on Facebook), and I'm so appreciative of that.  But mostly, I found it difficult to throw things out there with no response.

I have some other very important things to focus on right now.  With my eight year-old approaching 17, I want to be more engaged with her at the moment. She'll miss the blog for sure, but it's more important for me to parent now than preserve the past.  I'm also helping out with Greg's business and it's extremely important that we make this thing go - on so many levels.  Instead of sitting behind the computer, writing about our lives, I'll walk hand-in-hand with him on this journey.


So, I'm taking a blogging sabbatical until (at least) the New Year.  I own this domain, so I'm sure I'll be doing something with this site, I'm just not sure what yet.  Ella and I have a few ideas though!  If you're wondering, "Why now?" I just want to enjoy the holiday season without having to document every moment of it. 

Thanks to my loyal readers but an especially BIG thanks to those of you who comment on this blog.  It really helps me feel like I'm not having a one-way conversation - which can be a lonely place at times.  The comments are what kept me wanting to write and the reason I'll be back later!! 

Thanks everyone and I hope you have a great holiday season. 

There will definitely be a part of me that misses writing, but hopefully this is a step toward bigger and better things.

Love,
Kristen

If you've been reading my blog, you know that I take the fortunes in fortune cookies very seriously.  I had a teacher in high school who taught us to open any book to a random page and read the first sentence we see.  She said that it was meant to be that we found that sentence and that it had some meaning for us in our lives at that moment.

For me, it's the same with fortune cookies.

Usually, I get wonderful fortunes, like "An unexpected gift is coming your way" or "Your talents are needed by others at this time."  But, I recently received this one:

Ok, I already know this.  I have a lot of energy. I can't sit still. I get it.  So, what's the fortune?

When I read it, I thought it was positive. I mean, I do tend to accomplish a lot in a small amount of time...that's good, right?

But, maybe not.

Is it telling me to slow down?  Is it trying to clue me into something I'm unaware of?

Since when does a fortune tell you something you already know?  That is just unfair.   What am I supposed to do with that?

I guess I'll just remain a bundle of energy. 

Even the word, "Bundle" is negative.  When I think of a bundle, I think of a bundle of nerves (i.e. stress).

Yes, this one has me perplexed indeed.

My all-time favorite fortune cookie fortune said this:

Women who strive to be equal with men lack ambition.

Now, that's a fortune!

Yesterday, I watched a few of the miners be rescued from 2,000 feet below the earth's surface in Chile.  It was a profound and touching experience. The miners had been trapped since August 5th - 69 days.

I watched as each one emerged in a tube.  I watched as he was embraced by his anxious loved ones.

Such powerful embraces driven by pure relief.

And, I wondered. . . why don't we embrace each other at the end of each day like that?  Why don't we see each day as a victory? Because we take it for granted. 

And Chile is helping me to remember that each day should be treasured and lived.

Can you imagine going through the emotions of: 1) Being trapped underground? 2) Wondering if your loved ones think you are dead or alive? 3) Hearing efforts above to rescue you?  4) Making contact with the outside world?

Probably not...just think how lucky you are.

But, life can be taken in much less dramatic ways...ways that take only seconds.  

So, really, each day is a victory and something to celebrate.

And, I'm going to try to remember that.

And I'm going to hug these two like I mean it:

I used to be a very 'all or nothing' type of person. You're either in or you're out...just decide.  I don't know if it's aging or parenting or what, but I find myself living in the middle these days.

I still get extremely passionate about things.  I still want to tell everyone about the things I strongly believe in.  One of those examples is an article I had published recently.  It was all about responsible, conscious eating.   (To read it, click here).

There two things about that article that reflect my new life in the middle.  For one, the content.  The article was genuine - I believe every word I wrote.  But, it doesn't mean that 100% of the time I'm eating this way.  I'm not sure that's possible! I have a lot of business lunches and as far as I know, there are no restaurants in West Michigan that are 100% eco-friendly.   And, I have cravings....BAD cravings.... ice cream, greasy pizza, burgers....I am HUMAN after all.   So, I try my best to be responsible in all things, but especially eating, because it affects so much more than me: Animal Welfare, Responsible Farmers, My Family, My Community, Water Sources, etc.
 
Here's the other angle: writing.  Do you remember my discussion on The Alchemist? (If not, click here.)  I struggle with balancing what makes me feel alive vs. what pays the bills.  It's a struggle I live every day.  I feel that I could contribute so much to the world if I didn't have so many financial burdens.  Now, I fully understand that all of those obligations were entirely created by the choices I've made...and each choice has changed my life for the better. I'm not complaining, I just believe that there's got to be a way to do both.

So, while I figure that out, what do I do?  I live in the middle.  I pay the bills and write on the side.  That article was my first real freelance job.  I have been accepted to write for two websites that I respect, and it feels good.  Both have goals of educating people about sustainable practices and responsible living.  That makes me proud.

So, if writing is my Personal Legend, I'm fitting it in when I can and changing the world a little at a time.  No, it's not full-time.  It's not 100% right now, and that's ok.

I have to say, life in the middle is pretty good.  When I look around at the life I have, the people I love and what's important - it's all here...in the middle.

You may not know this, but I keep pretty good tabs on my blog.  I track usage and all sorts of other data.  Don't worry, I can't tell exactly who is reading, but I can see locations and numbers.  One thing I can see is how people find my blog when they do Google searches.

So, you can imagine how THRILLED I was when someone found my blog by googling, "The Zen of bread baking"!!

I'm not sure how that search led to my blog, but it really makes me smile.  I don't think I've ever claimed that I have experienced Zen by baking bread.  I may not have written that, but it doesn't mean it didn't happen!

For me to experience Zen in any moment, it takes a lot of work.  I mean, it doesn't come naturally.  I have to seek out awareness and being present.  Heck, that is the goal of this entire blog - to capture these small moments in my life and make them stand still - in words anyway. 

By appreciating moments, you recognize their impermanence and value them even more.
 
The very thought of someone finding me with that search just makes me think there actually is an unseen order in the world.  I know it sounds dramatic, but doesn't it seem like sometimes the stars just match up for you? I've been questioning whether to continue my blog lately.  This gives me hope.

As for the bread baking, you know I love it. You know I do it all the time. I'm also searching for that Zen feeling all the time.

So, just the fact that someone googled that and found me is amazing.  Was it you? ;)